Living with an undiagnosed ADD

Attention and focus, what are they? I’ll probably loose the main topic idea after this para, but now have to make sure of it that I can hold on to it.

Oh, I zoned out again for five minute, thanks for this white screen which pulls me back to writing. If I may allow myself to go to a real doctor and not diagnose myself by way of google, I can be diagnosed with attention deficit problem. I am resisting myself to see one or still a little hesitant to see one.

Photo by SplitShire on Pexels.com

While growing up I had issues with my exact environment. I can hold my gaze to people but mentally and my senses were drawn towards in every other direction but not to the person standing and speaking in front of me.

My teachers were too sad to see me as I was the one looking out of window in a well interesting English class. A few subjects like mathematics and creative one like painting held to be best for me. Even, in the class standard of 1 and 2, I had problem to score average marks. Not because I didn’t know the answers of what I have learnt in school and home; it was because I used to zone out even in the examination hall and loose focus in a question paper.

It was an irony, that I always liked to sitting in a class full of student, provided no one notices me and I can wonder while teacher continues teaching. Well I can do that now proudly. In fact I would love to follow what the teacher is saying but after five minutes of hard focus I would be lost. I would need a snap of finger or a tap on desk. So that I can bring myself back to the present.

This story was not an events of my childhood, I struggled with it till my mid-twenties. Until I learned that it is not normal people process like. Anyways, I google like most of the curious people and try to be obsessed with what is happening inside my head according to my usual net surf, many people claim that these can be a sign of ADD. Well even after knowing I never went to see anyone.

I also learned that this particular is no all bad illness, it is also know as a good news. People like me find it hard to focus but there are many things that we can excel at that other people find it hard to do.

I remember when I was 7 or 8 years old, a teacher talking to my parents pointing me that “ whenever I see this girl I feel tensed, she never Listens to me and never follows what I say.” Though I didn’t even listen what she said but my parents mention it till now. I was appeared to be a stuborn kid but all I was is Inattentive.

I remember when it was my first time working in an office, I was talking about some work with my boss and loosing what he was saying in every five ten minutes. All I did was keepin a notepad with me and jotted down everything even though it was a small thing. It helped me keep on track atleast. If my mind wondered, at least my pen worked a way better.

I can’t count that how many times I left things in middle, uncompleted and untouched. It could be a course or creative activity like a painting. I paint sometimes, and I have a bad ability to leaving it in middle. I pay fees for the interesting course and found it hard to complete it.

Nothing comes easy when you aren’t aware of what is coming.

It was a good news that I came to know about all this early and started working on myself sooner and still continuing to do so. I placed pen or pencil tracing down each word while reading a book instead of skimming. I started sitting in a desk where I can’t see outside so that I can pay full attention to the the present. No kidding, I used to put screensaver saying “focus” on my mobile so that it can remind me what I need to do. Even putting an alarm clock reminding me to stay focus during important study or work session.

My life solution for every problem is alignment through meditation. That is what I did and I don’t know how it becomes a great help. But it does. I can thank myself for that, I guess.

Three things I do to deal with these issues:

I record official telephonic conversation (with consent ofc)

I don’t multi task, I try not to.

While talking I repeat in between conversation so that I can’t lose track.

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